Finding my New Mom Style

I need help. I, like many moms, am having an identity crisis. My pre-pregnancy clothes look and fit weird and I find myself shrugging to say "guess this is what it is" before I leave the house. I have so many friends who hail to le tote and stitch fix, but I can't get on board with spending $35 for a proprietary shirt!

Welcome to the Trunk Club! This styled box is from Nordstrom. Yas! I will say this first...I HATE paying full price for clothes. BUT, somethings gotta change. I went through the process and I can say, I love it. I answered a ton of questions about my style and what I want it to be. Then I messaged for about an hour with Meagan, my stylist. I explained my body shape and what I was looking for, etc. and she got to work. A few days later, I got to preview my trunk. You can cancel any items, but they really recommend you try everything on. I cancelled a couple pieces I knew I would never buy/wear and was charged the $25 styling fee (this is applied to your cart if you buy something). The first box, I found the most amazing jean jacket. Second box, finally a pair of jeans that fit! And each box had more and more goodies. They were all great brands, quality, and decent prices. I have got dresses I wore to weddings, work clothes, and every day clothes. Jewelry, shoes, and accessories all within my cheap budget and supreme quality with the Nordstrom customer service to boot!

If you are struggling to find your style, make a new style, need a refresh, or just hate shopping this is the box for you. I'm confident you won't be disappointed. I feel confident in my appearance and it has made so much difference in my daily life. It's a must for moms and really anyone who just feels blah about their clothes.

This is my refer a friend link, I think you get a discount and I do too!

Try Trunk Club

NICU Diary

This will probably be one of the most difficult things to share. But being finally being on the outside, I feel I have more clarity and less emotion in the matter.

We were NICU parents for 84 days.

None of it was planned or expected. My labor was a surprise to everyone, including my doctor and the L&D doctor March 16th. I don't remember too much from those first couple weeks to be honest and I think it's probably for the best. I do remember the warm eyes and touches from the doctors and nurses. I remember the handmade blanket with holes to hang on the isolet. I remember the nurses "graduating" the boys often and having so much joy and happiness to take every step.

We were lucky, most babies born at 29 weeks don't have our story. The boys had lung development problems which is pretty much a given for that age. But we got out without surgery or anything terrifying. And trust me, the things that can happen will make your heart sink. But, we did have damage. Noah is still scared of the hospital, I still don't lift the boys' legs too high when I change them. My body stopped producing milk. Our family is forever changed.

But we are together, finally. The boys are thriving and Noah is the best big brother in the world! We have the boys next to me at night in a full size arms reach co-sleeper and they nap in rock n' sleepers. They are chubby bundles of joy and no matter how hard and chaotic the past three months has been, we are together. 💗

It's a Bird, It's a Plane...It's Identical Twins!

These two look pretty similar don't they? All the doctors said they were fraternal since they were di/di twins. I was not convinced....we were living in the 1% world, remember!?

Enter zygosity testing. We doled out 100 smackaroos to test their DNA and they're 99.99999995% certainly IDENTICAL. Matt is holding onto that 0.00000005% chance he was right and they're fraternal. Fat chance :)

They have grown to big boys Zach weighs 6 pounds 10 ounces and Teddy is 7 pounds! My chubby cheek chunks <3

My milk disappeared and has not come back. This was so hard for me to deal with. I exclusively breastfed Noah for a year and so to not spiral into depression about it, I have taken a new outlook. I am pumping to stimulate, if I get milk that's an added bonus. We will cross the pumping/breastfeeding bridge after the boys come home. Because I did not get my earlier wish. 

They still need time. And time and love and kisses and everything they will ever need is what they will get. 

The Best Mother's Day Gift of All Time, Hopefully

A lot of you have asked how the boys are doing so here's a little update! After they were born at 29 weeks to everyone's (including our doctors) surprise! Zach (Twin A) was 2 lbs 11 oz and Teddy (Twin B) was 3 lbs 2 oz.

They have made amazing progress and growth in the past 5 weeks! Zach is now 4 lbs 9 oz and Teddy is 5 pounds! They are on low flow cannulas which means they are almost breathing completely by themselves and they have started to bottle and breastfeed.

Feeding themselves (not through a gastro-tube) is the main hurdle for them to come home. This takes time for them to master, but our boys are fighters. The doctors say to not expect nicu babies to come home before their due date (June 2nd), but we are hoping and praying they come home for Mother's Day!




We really appreciate everyone's kind words, prayers, thoughts, and meals. We are so full in our hearts with all our boys, we can't wait to be full in our home too!

Work-life balance doesn't exist these days. Being the only employee definitely doesn't lend to taking time off to heal or to spend all day sitting watching two little angels sleep. It's stressful, the stress makes my milk supply stress, so I try getting a symphony to help with milk. Welp, that has been battle royale for no known reason and here's the kicker...it wasn't the insurance! The stress of that topping everything else is dwindling my supply and patience. I can only hope to get it going again, fingers crossed!.

One Month Old!

Happy Easter everyone! These little bunnies are hopping along their merry path to the door!

Pumping for a Machine

Zach and Teddy have been in the hospital almost a month and I am trying to feed a machine. I pump every three hours and am doing pretty good. The boys don't eat much now so I am storing most in the freezer which is awesome! I hope it keeps up and that my body doesn't realize a machine is taking the milk, not a baby :)

They are doing really well and 'graduating' to less intense interventions it seems daily! They are growing well and we all feel generally lucky to not have any significant problems so far.

I am back to my pumping favorites including my Medela wipes and homemade pump bra. I have added a neon coral Hydroflask to the mix to stay hydrated in style!

Wish me luck!

29 Weeks

Our beautiful baby boys were born March 16th. It was a whirlwind. I am in shock and I'm scared out of my wits. I checked into triage for a non-stress test to ease my mind that the "gas" I was feeling was fine. It wasn't gas...it was contractions...but no one knew that until it was too late.

My chart is that of an ideal pregnancy, ultrasounds, tests, labs all look great. So no one thought I could be in labor. I can't really pinpoint when my water broke because my pelvic floor had been failing me for about 2 weeks, crippling under the weight of two baby boys growing in my belly. I believe it was when I sat on a piddle pad waiting for the doctor to finish delivering a bunch of other surprise babies...

Finally a check while in triage..
"When did your water break?"

"My water broke?"

"Yes, when?"

"I don't know, I've been peeing my pants for like a month now...wet is wet and it's all wet"

It had been established I was an idiot. Now the well versed second-time mom I would like to have been. I was the lady who didn't know her water broke :-/

Then the 'train' started moving.

To add levity to the whole story, I had been trying to explain and create a recipe for pina colada overnight oats for my husband over text for Noah's snack at school the next day and texted that my water broke and they were admitting me. He called my mom to come to our house to watch our son. About 45 minutes later, Matt showed up to see me retching with pain. I had hormonal shakes and told the nurse I was 7.5 cm dilated the last time that happened.

Now the train is full steam ahead.

The doctor comes to check me and I was +1 and 9.5 cm. It was go time, they were concerned I would have to naturally birth twin A and cesarean twin B. I was adamant that was not an option so into the OR we went.

When I woke up the boys were ok. I had my mom and Matt with me and the boys were born 2 pounds 11 ounces and 3 pounds 2 ounces. I stupidly asked what their APGAR score was, and Matt shook his head and was like "I don't know are there negative scores?"

The next days while in the hospital were chaotic. My dad flew in from California and my parents took Noah home with them so Matt could come and go, plus he wasn't really allowed to chill at the hospital due to flu season and the fact that toddlers are petri dishes for germs. The nurses kept saying the boys were so big for 29 weeks and that is a really good sign. It didn't feel like it, it felt like my babies were robbed of the opportunity to not worry about anything for 2 and a half months. It felt like it was too small. Too soon.

Within three days, we named our sweet boys Zach and Teddy and I left my heart in beds in a hospital room.

The nurses and doctors are so kind and amazing. They care for those little babies like they are their own. I am currently trying to juggle going to the hospital for care times, a toddler, my job (which is gearing up for the busiest month of the year), pumping, sleeping, and trying to recover. I don't know if luck can handle this!

When You Get a Curve-ball...

The twins were born early, 11 weeks early. I went into triage for what I thought was gas (because pregnancy is glamorous) and three hours later I had two beautiful boys. I had a scary emergency c-section and the boys are in the NICU for the long run. 29 weeks is early, really early. Often, these babies have, gastrointestinal, lung, and vision under developments to scrape the surface. So far, we are lucky and the boys are progressing well. We are having a hard time dealing with the shock and fear of it all and our schedules and Noah's schedule.

I don't have much to add right now, because I don't know which end is up usually, but I will update again soon. In the mean time, we are so blessed for our moms and the amazing nurses and doctors in the NICU. And Costco, for giant cookie trays 😊

Boy oh Boy!

We had our anatomy scan, 20 perfect little toes and fingers, and two little penises. I saw the look of disbelief in my husbands eyes and I imagine his mind was saying "...but the odds..." oh yes 'the odds.' The thing about statistics is that, statistically, we should only be having one baby; so stats are off the table in my book.

Welcome the world of the "less than 1%." 

I live in this world, sometimes it's a life-changing shock and sometimes it just makes your day. This week, Target is having a sale on diapers, compounded with many other coupons I bought 6 $25 boxes of Pampers Swaddlers and Baby Dry for $70. That's right, 70 smackaroos. That's less than half price! I am fully aware I hold no flame to any run-of-the-mill coupon-er, but for a woman who just doesn't have time to work the system, I am damn proud.

Enter the "less than 1%"

...whilst at Target, I pointed out the cribs I chose for the twins. My friend says "...is that a clearance sticker?"

Shock.

Dismay.

Over 60% off!? Could this be? I went into "super-saving blackout mode" this 'mode' rarely happens, especially because I don't coupon so such a deal can't exist...can it?

Short answer? No.

The crib was on clearance and I hadn't even noticed during all my trips to Target! They were down to the floor model and cannot sell that for safety reasons.

Crushed. Nothing made sense anymore, I knew how Willy Coyote felt during all of my youth.

But still, we persevere...

I looked on the Target app and the crib was sold out everywhere. But, yesterday on my way home from work I thought, hey, why not try this Target! I walk up and there are two glorious giant boxes that could only contain cribs...They did...they matched...and they were MY cribs!

Cue: super-saver blackout mode

I ran and punched the "Help" button, ran back to guard those cribs like a lunatic while awaiting the lovely Target staff to arrive. While 'scanning my surroundings,' I notice an infant car seat box. A Graco Snugride 35, my second choice for the additional car seat we needed to get.

It Had A Red Sticker.

You guys, I think I blacked out. It was also 50% off. I know I am very blessed to be able to afford all these things new and not on sale. But the shock of buying two of everything was overwhelming. This was like The Man Above saying "I got you boo, we'll do this thing together." Ultimately, I got two cribs and an infant car seat for $370. It was so exciting and awesome I had to share.

Also, the boxes did not fit in the Jeep Grand Cherokee. So my dear, sweet husband (who left work early after I frantically called and demanded he come right away) unpacked two cribs and loaded the individual pieces into his Jeep.

A modern day fairy tale 💖